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[myboggartisthemoon]

PLAYER
YOUR NAME: Dragon
18+?: To put it mildly.
CONTACT: dragonoflife
CHARACTERS IN GAME: N/A

CHARACTER: CANON SECTION
NAME: Remus Lupin
AGE: 38
CANON: Harry Potter

CANON HISTORY: A link to the past?
CANON PERSONALITY:

Bitten by a werewolf at a very young age, Lupin experienced prejudice and outright segregation for almost as long as he can remember. Rather than anger or hatred, however, his experiences taught him kindness, patience, and empathy... but also forged in him a deep desire to be liked, welcomed, and accepted. These two sides of his personality often warred with each other throughout his life, beginning at a young age when special exceptions were made to give him as close to a normal life as possible. The Lupin of now acknowledges what a fool he'd been to romp about the ground as a werewolf and put everyone at risk, even as he acknowledges his time with the Marauders as the best of his life. He never bullied, but never stood up to his friends when they bullied; he regrets his own actions in the present even as he halfway excuses a young James Potter's behavior towards Snape. The Marauders hold a tight grip on his heart, for good and for ill, because he belonged with them.

The loss of those three close friends at the end of the First Wizarding War brought on a great deal of soul-searching and retrospection over his mistakes, and a measure of regret for them. Thus, the Lupin of the present day is a kind and patient man, tolerant and difficult to anger. Accustomed to mistreatment and fear because of his condition, he expects prejudice – even believing it justified. Despite this, he strives to see the good in everyone, even those people he personally dislikes -- and even ones he has every reason to hate, such as Snape, whom he quite truthfully states he neither hates nor likes, no matter their history together.

Lupin shines through most strongly in his tenure as a teacher, and here his positive qualities all shine brightly. He is, in short, excellent, combining knowledge and passion with insight and intuition to bring out the best in his students. He shows special favor to Neville Longbottom, who frankly needs the help and encouragement of a patient professor, and serves as mentor to Harry and a voice of wisdom. While he doesn't hesitate to protect Harry from others, particularly Snape, he also doesn't hesitate to lecture Harry and downright shame him for his actions -- especially when Harry is being irresponsible, as he sees his own youth reflected in his good friend's son.

Stemming from this is his greatest flaw: his desire to be liked. So ingrained is his expectation of prejudice that he’ll go to extreme lengths to keep those people who befriend him or show him kindness. These lengths, especially as they relate to his school years, have led to many regrets in his adult life. Though undoubtedly a brave man, even now his bravery fails him – he is afraid of losing his friends, afraid of what he might do as a werewolf, afraid of having a normal life. On the other hand, friendship and love push him to levels of strength and sacrifice for those he cares about; in mundane terms, he’d willingly take a bullet for a friend. And despite everything, he still maintains a sense of humor.

Lupin has an unflinching moral compass, never once tempted by the Dark Arts or Voldemort and always staunch in his opposition to them. A core Order of the Phoenix member, both times, he was unflinching in his duty as a Gryffindor should be. The only times his courage failed him were when it came to his own flaws -- relating to the actions of the Mauraders, in their bullying and rulebreaking which he failed to admit to Dumbledore even when he really should have, and when he later feels himself so inadequate a husband and father that he tries to run off and join Harry instead of staying with his family.

The key factor of Lupin, though, is not his greatness but his goodness. At his core, he is one of the most genuinely decent people in the series, and though he has his flaws and quirks and imperfection, he remains a good man who cares for others and does his best by them.

With regards to Lupin's behavior in abandoning his wife and child, 'self-pity' is not entirely accurate. Rather, Lupin has a massive sense of internalized self-revulsion, and after being told and shown all his life that he's unclean, unworthy, and unfit for civilized wizard society, who can blame him?

In his youth, in the presence of the Marauders, this faded -- the idea that his werewolf mind felt more human in their presence is more than a little allegorical, after all. But he lost those friends, lost his stability, and was on his own for over a decade. His behavior when talking of his past reinforces that his increased maturity and responsibility are also tangled up with this self-revulsion; he scorns himself for putting others in danger in the past, not unjustifiably, but also acts like him harming a student is literally inevitable in all circumstances just because of one beyond-extraordinary night. The parallel between himself and Hagrid, another 'creature' viewed as dangerous by the wizard public, is drawn in their own attitude towards resignations: when Hagrid's presence in Hogwarts is threatened, the school receives numerous letters insisting that he stay, but Lupin automatically assumes that an immense outcry will result from his condition and that it will be entirely justified, and walks out even before the first letter is sent while claiming it's the right thing to do both for the students and for the man who hired him.

So: Tonks. From the very beginning and despite his own deep attraction to her, Lupin takes a very high moral ground that is utterly informed by his self-revulsion: that he is thoroughly unsuited to her and she could, should, and must do better than him. At first, he simply refrains from speaking to her about his feelings. When she reveals she herself has fallen for him, he goes to every effort to avoid her. His friends persuade him to overcome this -- and because of Lupin's general inability to stand up to his friends and thus threaten his sense of belonging, he accedes without ever really ACTUALLY getting over the burden of self-hatred in his heart. (And because he really wanted to, but he never would have done it without the push.) When she becomes pregnant, all that comes crashing back down on him, and once again, his desire to take the morally right path is informed by this loathing.

Important to note is that Lupin's reasoning for leaving Tonks is all pretty morally sound on the surface. Harry needs help. Protecting Harry is important. Defeating Voldemort is critical. He COULD have been of immense use to the Trio had he joined them. Lupin was genuinely trying to do the right thing... and only hearing brutal words from the orphaned son of his dear friend could break through to him that in this case, there was ANOTHER right thing he could, should, and MUST do. And to his credit, he did it. And when the birth of his child proved his fears wrong, he was happy beyond measure and without reservation.

He's a good man, trying to do good things. Harry Potter is pretty big on those men being very complicated, and their reasoning not always being for the most altruistic causes.

Similarly, loyalty is complicated for Remus Lupin. Without question, he is a loyal man: never tempted by the Dark Arts, remaining true to the memory of his friends, instantly forgiving Sirius and embracing him like a brother when evidence proves him innocent, despite years of anger and hurt and betrayal. He protects Harry from Snape during his years as a teacher and adheres to the Order of the Phoenix till his death.

In no small part, this loyalty is born out of his decency and goodness. He is on the side of right without question. It is also unquestionably fierce: he fully believes that death, even an agonized death, would be preferable to betraying a friend, and he absolutely cannot and will not forgive Peter Pettigrew for doing so. To the point that he's straight up willing and prepared to murder him.

But it isn't 100% good and pure. His loyalty is all bundled up with his desire for inclusion and a place where he belongs. He wouldn't be on the Dark side if not for his friends, far from it -- but he shows loyalty to his friends even at times when he perhaps shouldn't, such as when he and Sirius share a fond reminiscence over James bullying Snape. Lupin admits that his friends went too far and he should have done more to stop them in the same breath as he defends them and offers excuses for them. At the same time, he feels bitter shame whenever he betrays someone he values. When his loyalties conflicted -- to Dumbledore vs. the Marauders, when his information about his friends being Animagi would have been inestimably valuable -- shame at his own betrayal of Dumbledore's trust kept him silent. His loyalty is also self-sacrificing, less out of nobility than out of his aforementioned self-revulsion masquerading as that -- between how he treats Tonks and how he walks out of his position as DADA professor, he puts the interests of others above his own because he doesn't feel he deserves anything.

SKILLS/ABILITIES:

Hoo boy.

Magic! Harry Potters wizards perform magic primarily by the use of a wand and an incantation in concert, to perform any number of effects -- enchantment of items, creation and destruction, levitation, summoning, banishing, transformation, cursing... the list goes on and on. A complete list of effects Lupin could create would be impossible; suffice to say that he can perform any number of different effects on a small or personal scale.

The series doesn't make much of this, but Lupin is a notably powerful wizard, being able to perform spells without a verbal incantation (which is quite difficult) or without a wand (which is shockingly difficult).

Lupin is remarkably strong in wizard dueling, using offensive and defensive magics to disable a foe while defending oneself. He is extremely knowledgeable about Dark magic and Dark creatures, specifically in defending against them. Although not explicitly stated, his strength appears to be in 'Charms', which are spells that alter the properties of an object (rather than changing the object itself).

He is a capable flyer about a broomstick, and also capable of what most people would call teleportation magic.

Nonmagically, Lupin is a werewolf. During the full moon, usually a period of three days, he transforms into a fearsome and near-mindless wolf, generally driven by a bestial urge to hunt and kill, especially humans. When surrounded only by other animals, especially those of a size and nature that hunting would be impractical (i.e. Sirius and James in their animal forms), this instinct lessens substantially and he regains a measure of control and reason.

His bite and claws spread this diseases if he does not kill his victim.

CHARACTER: AU SECTION
AU NAME: John Remington Lunise
AU AGE: 34
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES: No scars. (Also no tendency to wear wizard robes.)

AU HISTORY:

John Lunise had an unremarkable childhood right up until a traumatic bicycle accident required surgery, and in the course of said surgery, a blood transfusion. In those earlier times, donor testing wasn't universal and certainly not always reliable, so while John made a full recovery from the injury and blood loss, he also came away infected with HIV.

In the fairly small town his family lived in, the stigma against AIDS was in full force. His family was shunned as drug users or worse even as they struggled to get him care and treatment, practically beggaring themselves to do so. Concerned that he would infect the other children, the school district forbade him from attending, so until the age of 11 he was home-schooled as best as his parents could do. They appealed up the chain until at last their pleas reached a more reasonable, more educated state-level board, who stepped in. Many unnecessary precautions were taken to appease the public, such as John being unable to shower after gym classes or always being seated in the corner of a room and having his desk routinely wiped-down and sterilized. All these efforts left a very powerful impression on his young mind.

Here, however, John made his first true friends, who understood his condition and didn't much care about it. This foursome quickly became inseparable, and remained that way through all of high school. Though the stigma generally continued to press itself dramatically onto the majority of the town, John found himself happy for the first time in his life, and for once began to think about his future. His friends showed little interest in preparing for a life after high school, but after growing up without a proper education John had come to truly appreciate it in general, and most particularly science. Science he found to be a wonder, explaining the world and accomplishing absolutely amazing feats just by understanding what could be.

During this period, a sudden and brutal outbreak of influenza took both of his parents. John bitterly blamed himself, though he never told anyone he felt that way. His friends, however, took him in without reservation -- by this point, all of them were living off the graces of the richest one. They were his family by this point, for all intents and purposes.

Which made their sudden loss all the worse. John returned from visiting prospective colleges to find that two of them had (apparently) died at the hands of the third. The police were absolutely baffled, with no clear motive at hand, but the evidence appeared perfectly clear. The only thing John had left in his life at this point was a generous bequest left to him in a will, which he used the way he thought best honored his friends: seeing his education through, which they had always been so supportive and encouraging of him doing.

John's undergraduate years passed in a haze of depression and quiet self-hatred; in later years he could relate literally nothing of them. Time finally healed his wounds enough that in his junior year he started to have better days, and he set himself on a career track for a doctorate in physics -- a dream he'd expressed to his friends, and now associated with their memory. With a focus on highly theoretical and arcane physics -- quantum mechanics and string theory, primarily -- John completed his education and his dissertation in good time, a fortunate thing with his money swiftly running out.

When it was all said and done, though... so was he. The sad reality is that, while his quest was both out of personal desire and his tribute to his friends, it was not the most practical path for him to have taken. He tried diligently to find work in the academic field, but simple math was against him: there were very, very few positions open for a person with his particular focus in physics, and competition was fierce. He sought out every position he could -- a number in the single digits, thanks especially to the terrible state of the economy at the time -- but was turned down repeatedly.

John believed bitterly that his condition was to blame -- that given the choice between himself and a healthy man, they would take the healthy man. He had no evidence to support that belief, but his history and his self-loathing led him inexorably down that path of thinking, and worse, made him believe it was utterly correct. Why should they take him when they could have someone healthy and well?

This sudden lack of direction, his belief that the stigma against him had returned with a vengeance after being a nonissue during his studies, and his sudden difficulty in making ends meet, all pushed him back down into a grey haze again. Without much real-world experience to call on, John found himself wandering the country and taking whatever odd jobs he could find to try to keep himself fed and treated. Most jobs viewed him as overqualified, and by this point he had lost routine access to the internet and thus was unable to do much searching for those very rare jobs in his field and specialty.

But a few short months ago, his life turned around when an old teacher, now on the Recollé school board, caught up with him and found out what his current state of affairs was. Remembering the gifted student who had loved both science and education in general, he offered John some work in the local schools -- both the university and the high school had need of teaching staff, and while it certainly wasn't tenure John didn't hesitate to accept. He moved to Recollé immediately and settled in to do the best he could.

AU PERSONALITY:

Although most of his personality is pretty intact, there are some differences of note:

John Lunise has never been called upon to stand up against evil. As a consequence, though he remains a decent person who believes in kindness, fairness, and treating others well, he is not as overtly righteous nor as grounded in black-and-white as his canon self is. While he'd still say it was better to die for his best friends than betray them, the idea that he'd ever be called on to make that choice has literally never occurred to him.

Lunise is much more prone to depression than Lupin is. Lupin had things like the bonds forged in the Order of the Phoenix and the knowledge that his friend had a son who somehow bested the Dark Lord; Lunise does not have any of that. Also, without any external force to pin their losses on, the death of his parents and friends left him feeling like he's cursed to harm those he's close to and cares about. A jinx. He knows perfectly well this isn't true but the thought still lurks in his heart, waiting for darker times to emerge.

His condition is not anywhere near as secret as it was in canon, which makes him that much eager to guard it. The stigma of it in general, and especially the extreme measures taken to 'protect' others in his youth, impressed themselves very thoroughly on him; he knows exactly how the disease is transmitted, but he still hesitates to even casually touch others, and tends to shy away from offered gestures even when he knows they're harmless. His is a life very empty of affection. He didn't used to be this way around his old friends, and could be broken of it again if he was around people he trusted and felt welcomed with, but... he hasn't had that for years, now.

Whereas his canon self was as fairly blase about magic as most wizards, John has never really lost his sense of wonder about science -- even after doing a dissertation on string theory, he still finds the possibilities in it absolutely amazing, almost... well, magical.

Having spent time lecturing as part of his studies, he is in fact an even better teacher than in canon, coming to the job with experience. He is, however, less good with younger children than he is presumed to be in canon, which fortunately isn't an issue given he's working at the high school and university.

Since he's worked some unusual jobs, Lunise has a much wider knowledge base than his counterpart; he has dabbled in construction, factory work, retail, and other jobs with a low barrier to entry (and occasionally under-the-table wages). He vacillates between taking pride in his broad knowledge and feeling like he's sold out by doing whatever it takes to live.

Lupin blames himself for the death of his parents with, unfortunately, some small level of justification. Their painstaking efforts to care for him and get him treatment left them poor, exhausted, and stressed. If not for these factors, they might have gotten care sooner, might have been in better condition to weather the illness... Is he right to feel this way? Probably not, but he can't help it. The thought simply won't leave him.

He has little direct justification for blaming himself for the loss of his friends, but consider that he had now lost every single person he had ever cared deeply about. Blaming himself is irrational and illogical, but as too with his parents, it is also the act of a man who has been told all his life that he is different, he is dangerous, he could hurt or kill people just by coming casually in contact with them. He knows he did nothing to them, but this is just one more brick laid on the foundation of his self-revulsion, and on which more of the house of self-hate is built.

SAMPLE

I swear I settle on his name eventually in all these tags.